So I put up a new song about a guy I recently dated, who wasn't that into me. I was frustrated that he was kind of half in it, half somewhere else, so I wrote this therapy-song:)

I would love to hear what you think of the song!  Your comments are always so helpfulJ The song is called, “Not A Half.”

If you are dating someone who isn't that into you, perhaps the song will help you.*smile*

What I learned from the situation is that I'd rather be alone dedicating myself to music & growing in love and wisdom than taking time away to date someone who is not that into me. I don’t want to squander time I could use to help others and be involved in my community to be with someone who isn’t valuing being with me. If I am going to date someone, I want them to be someone who challenges me, inspires me to grow in love and wisdom, and is excited and happy to be cultivating a wonderful relationship together.

It's funny how much we strive for love when love is all around us and available at all times. This straining for love only makes us feel it's apparent absence, when love is never absent. We can always sink into the love and support of the present moment, the love of God.

Wanting is a painful state. I’d rather be in the opposite state, gratitude, which is a state of grace.JThere is so much to be thankful for, rather than wishing for something different. Everyday is a beautiful opportunity to be more loving than the day before. I’m trying to meet others, myself, and each moment with love. I think meeting each moment with love means being fully in the moment.

Being single right now is a gift, as well as relationships are gifts. I love that I have so much time to spend with friends, write music, help others, and ponder the nature of the universe, God and the meaning of life. I love that I am so filled to the brim with love from my amazing friends, family, and God. There is nothing missing now, and if I meet someone who sweeps me off my feet there will be nothing missing then. We are ALWAYS complete. We are ALWAY S, ALWAYS loved. We are always worthy, exactly as we are.
I am so grateful for this.

Here are the lyrics to the song and they are also up on the page underneath the track. I love you dear friends.

Not A Half

No thank-you, I'll have to pass

It was kind of you to ask

But I want a whole heart, not a half


I'm having a really good time

but if this isn' t going anywhere, I want to find

somebody who's thrilled to be mine

You don' t want to go past the surface

I'm wondering, what then is the purpose of this?

You don' t want to dive in

And diving in, is where I begin

So I'm bored on the shore

Why can' t you give me more?

Never mind

I am fine

I'm not wasting my precious time

I'm off to find a different kind of man

You' re a wonderful catch

but obviously, you're not ready yet

And I am and I can't wait around

You don' t want to go past the surface

I'm wondering, what then is the purpose of this

You don' t want to dive in

And diving in, is where I begin

So I'm bored on the shore

Why can' t you give me more?

Baby, I'm done

trying so hard to make you come around

Baby, I quit

And you might not even notice

Baby I'm done

trying so hard to make you come around

Good- luck and goodbye

You might not even realize I'm gone

You might not even realize that I'm gone

You might not even realize that I'm gone

Verse 1

Verse 2

I was thinking about this topic and meditating and part of this poem came to me. I wrote the rest after a meditation at my computer. The poem makes me smile and I read it when I am feeling down. Here it is:

Could this wound

that's left me 

grieving 

for so long


Be the very thing

That's caused my Soul to bloom? 


I feel my 

deep sadness lift 

And underneath it 
 

Gratitude being born

In the college I go to, I get to design many of my own projects and work independently. Currently I am doing a project on how suffering & adversity can propel spiritual growth and offer riches and blessings that perhaps could not be attained without suffering. It’s been interesting studying this topic and seeing the positive side of suffering, because our culture seems to view suffering in a completely negative way. We focus primarily on how to alleviate and rid ourselves of suffering as quickly as possible, and almost not at all on there being any gains or benefits from suffering. This view of suffering can make us feel like there is something wrong with us when we are in pain, and that we shouldn’t be feeling pain when we are. This mental commentary on how we shouldn’t be feeling the pain only adds to the pain and creates another layer of pain. Or we engage in unhealthy behaviors that distract us from the pain, because we fear surrendering to it and just being in it. And what do these behaviors do, but usually lead to more suffering?

The idea that one could be grateful for one’s suffering seems so radical, but perhaps it is not so strange of a view. I know that in my own life, I have seen pain push me to grow, change and evolve. I have seen pain give me a new level of compassion for others and a stronger, in fact a burning desire to help alleviate the suffering of others. I have seen pain bring me to a deeper level of wisdom and knowledge. I have seen pain be transformed into paintings painted and countless songs written. How can I then label pain as “bad?” Perhaps the only “bad” part of pain is the fear of it and the stories we tell ourselves about how it is bad. I don’t know. 

Here's a little note I wrote to God: 

God,

I do not need external love

because

I've finally found you

dwelling in my heart.

Immersed in your sweetness,

I have realized

All the love in the world

is already here

Surprise. I wrote my first prayer, and I’ve decided that I love writing them. I hope you enjoy it. I’ve been praying it a lot these days, and it’s been really helping me. Yeah! Here it is:

God, May I dedicate every moment of my life to you.